Sunday, April 17, 2011
Just a Sentence
Sometimes Nicole and I argue. I guess that makes us like every other married couple. It drives us crazy, the kids crazy because it is usually one of us just "out-stubborning" the other! However, as a father, husband, and a person who has always believed in "holding up a mirror" before blaming others, I tend to be very reflective. Nicole would definitely say that I am over reflective as I "never let anything go"! She is right! As a former math teacher (yes, I will blame this on math) I always need to know "why" something goes the way it does. I say it is to avoid repeating those things in the future. My dad said it drove him crazy as well! Hard-wired by God, my heavenly Father, I have had to learn to deal with my driving those I love the most crazy! Anyway, as I reflected on a recent argument, I had a revelation. I was explaining to Nicole, during our little spat, that I have been trying very hard to be sure, through words, that she knew how beautiful I think she is. She is unbelievably beautiful and I was definitely trying hard to be sure she knew that! She said, "Those are just sentences." Not gonna lie, that hit me hard at first. But, upon further review it gave me affirmation on the following perspective. The combination of words I chose to tell her how beautiful she is are, in fact, just sentences. In the big picture, that can hold true on anything we say to others we love. What I want to suggest is simple. Unsaid, the chosen words say nothing at all and that is, as my good friend Jim Higley says in his upcoming book,"Bobblehead Dad, 25 Life Lessons I Forgot I knew", is 'the worst thing to say'. It is far more important to share with loved ones all that make us love them than to say nothing at all! I hold on to the sentences from my children. parent, friends, family, and my wife that affirm the reasons they have for loving me. I will never forget them (course I do have trouble letting things go!) Nicole, I am sorry for the stupidity of some of our "to-dos" but I will never stop telling you that you are beautiful! I love you.
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I deeply admire the fact that you are able to express how you feel so freely to those you love. For some us (okay, mostly just me...), it is much more difficult. I agree - sometimes they comes across as just words and it's up to us to make them so much more!
ReplyDeleteP.S. She's an Anenen girl, you know we're hard to please! :)
I can personally appreciate your frustration with not being able to let things go. Being so introspective I think can work against us sometimes. As for "just a sentence", I think that the same sentence can have two different meanings. I think that we often interpret a message based on the tone of the voice of the person saying it and not the words that they are actually saying. I'm also a fan of the book "The Five Love Languages" and that if we don't express love in a way that the person understands (in their love language "dialect"), then they won't realize that we've expressed love at all. Often we respond to others in our own love language because it's what's comfortable and because it's usually what we really need ourselves from the other person. It's when we learn that "new" language that we truly become effective communicators.
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