father,the Father, son: Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

father,the Father, son: Mirror, Mirror on the Wall: "Hey parents! I've got the perfect gift to give your children this holiday season! Better yet, it is truly inexpensive! I just hope they are..."

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

Hey parents! I've got the perfect gift to give your children this holiday season! Better yet, it is truly inexpensive!  I just hope they are still being made somewhere because it has been a long time since I have seen anyone, adult or child with one.  The perfect gift is a hand held mirror! That's right, a good, old-fashioned hand held mirror. the kind my mom used to have in the vanity. It showed you in normal reflection held one way and magnified if you turned it around! What, you don't believe me and you think your children will mutiny in unison if they unwrap that during the holidays! Well, you are probably right...but here is why you should give it to them anyway, and probably why you need to ask for one on your holiday wish list as well!
You see, I was taught by my parents (though it took a lot longer for me to learn then they wanted it to!) that before I looked to blame someone else for a dispute, or falling out, I should hold up a mirror and see what part I may have played in the situation. It is  my experience as an educator and everyday citizen that this act of holding up a mirror, taking responsibility, is at best optional and more often not happening at all.  We need to teach our children, by modeling, that we should carry that mirror with us at all times. We should use it often and understand that the mirror never lies.  Stephen Covey, in his very popular book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People lays it out beautifully in his 5th Habit - Seek First to Understand (then, to be understood).  If we work at pulling out that mirror, maybe while we are using another lesson taught to our generation by our folks, counting to ten before speaking, we may just find that our disputes are more easily managed. When we begin a discussion by saying, "I am having trouble understanding your position, can you help me understand", a potential fire-up is avoided.  When we are truly able to "agree to disagree" respectfully, relationships can continue to flourish rather than to fade away. This act of self-reflection is a powerful message to our colleagues, peers, and children to keep open, honest discussion rather than lying, or hiding from conversation. And, when we use the mirror and share it with our children we help them to develop, and sustain strong, fulfilling relationships as well.
I challenge you to take a moment before you retire for the night to look in the mirror and ask yourself if you, your spouse, your children are using that mirror or if you need to quickly redistribute to one, or all of the significant people in your life. Most important, don't give a mirror without owning your own!
PS: Don't wait until December to pull it out!

father,the Father, son: Lifeguards, Aquaman, and the Pirates

father,the Father, son: Lifeguards, Aquaman, and the Pirates: "Staring across the swimming pool, sun reflecting off the water, I see my 4 year old son climbing the ladder to the diving board in the...wai..."

Lifeguards, Aquaman, and the Pirates

Staring across the swimming pool, sun reflecting off the water, I see my 4 year old son climbing the ladder to the diving board in the...wait for it....DEEP END!!  My four year old Jake does not swim, in fact I think he would rather take his nap than put his face in the water!  Yet he climbs, and he walks the plank to the end of the board. No way will he jump in!?!?!  One, Two, Three...Splash!!! Nice catch!  You see, this was the final swim lesson of the summer. Though a reluctant "swimmer" Jake was blessed by an instructor he trusted. He jumped, she caught him, mom gasped, dad snapped a photo and Jake shot a thumbs up.  It was not until later that he admitted a huge amount of fear before he jumped.  "Why did you do it then?".  "Dad, my teacher wouldn't drop me!!".  A non swimmer, no face wet four year old jumps off the diving board in the deep end because he knows his teacher is there for him!! I have just finished my 25th year in education and there are teachers like this out there everywhere,  quickly building relationships of trust with children who count on them in their most fearful moments!  Teacher friends, never take that responsibility for granted and make their trust your yearly bonus!  Parents, we face these moments of "deep end" decisions with our children all the time. It takes bravery to be treading in the deep end every time our kids venture out onto the diving board contemplating the big dive. There are times we must be brave enough to tell them to back up. climb back down the stairs and meet them with a comfortable towel, a hug, and an "it's going to be ok!".  There are other times we need to let them dive without getting there face wet. A small risk but empowering. Other times we need to let them go under only to quickly bring them back to the surface...lesson learned the hard way bit knowing we are there for them.  Sometimes we need to show bravery by letting somebody else be the one they need.....blasphemy, I know but those situations, in the course of a lifetime will occur more often than not! Think about it, we are always "there" for our kids but they spend far more time living away from us than with us!    The beauty is that if we calculate these situations correctly and selflessly, rather than selfishly, we get exactly what we would all say we really want. We desire children who can self advocate, know when to trust and who to trust, an more importantly get the message that we believe they are capable of doing those things!  We walk a parental tight-rope, constantly trying to decipher when to step in and when to step back.  Be sure to always think with the end  in mind...is my decision going to help now and hinder later, or pay dividends later that will cause the child to say, "Dad, my teacher wouldn't drop me!"?
God bless!

Three's Company!

It has been a while since I have posted! Not because I have nothing to say, life happened! Fortunately, I have a group of guys I meet with every other Sunday, when life allows, that mean more to me than anything! The last time I was with them, just a few weeks ago, I was challenged and humbled by the church pastor (from The Chapel, Grayslake), Brent Davis to further my leadership in the church. His explanation is simple but resonates profoundly! Thanks Brent and the Dawn Patrol, you know who you are, for making me a better man! Here is the story!
We all need a Paul, a Barnabas, and a Timothy. These are the names of 3 important people in the Bible. This model can be a focus in your life, a purpose finder, and a satisfier like it has been for mine. Paul was a fervent non-believer who eventually accepted Christ as his leader and began spreading the good news around the world. He was the resident genious when it came to sharing the word of God!  We all need a Paul. That person, who no matter what the environment, is our mentor and confidant. That guy (or girl) who we get way more from than we are able to give.  We also all need a Barnabas! A peer, a friend, some body who is "at our level" whatever level that is. We share equally with Barnabas. It is a give and take relationship that matures both sides. It resides in "mutuality"!
Timothy is the challenge for all of us!  We all need a Timothy. Timothy is the person(s) in our life that needs us to be his/her Paul!  We need to be there, as a role model, friend, and leader for the Timothy in our life.  We give to Timothy no matter how much, if any, we get back from him.
I bet if somebody asked you, "Who is your Paul?", you would probably have a quick and emphatic response. I am equally confidant that we can all name a Barnabas or two in our lives!  But, who are you investing in, who is your Timothy. It only makes sense that if God has provide you a "Paul" and a "Barnabas" that He is holding you responsible for having a "Timothy".  If you do awesome, keep investing and maybe challenge yourself to find another. If you do not, does that sit well with you, deep in your heart can you say it is ok to have a giver, a sharer, but not be a giver yourself?  For me it is no longer ok? I am purposeful in searching situations to be someones "Paul".  I hope that this purposeful effort is impactful on others, I know it is for me. To my Pauls, thank God for all of you.  To my Barnabas's, I love our time together and the challenges we provide each other. Timothy, I am here, and I am looking for you every day! God bless!

If you enjoy please comment and "follow"!

Celebrating Pelicans?!?!?

It is because I am a father that I started this blog. A way to record memories, experiences thoughts, and emotions. I am forever grateful to my children, Sean, Ryne, Aubrey, Jacob, and Joshua for "making" me a father and allowing me the opportunity to participate in their amazing lives.  Time flies....the oldest prepares to leave the nest. Me: "Where is your head about this big move?" Sean, "It is a good thing it is happening so fast..less time to over analyze and over think!"  He truly has me in his blood as we are both over-analyzers.  But what an amazing person he is.  He has so many admirable traits (and a few not so admirable traits!!)  I find myself reflecting on his journey from my perspective.  Good student, great son and brother. His college experience transformed him into a man. He grew in his independence, took care of his business and experienced college at Iowa State University the way it is to be done. I sent him off 5 years ago with my aforementioned advice, "work hard, play hard!"  He did just that as a fraternity member, ATO, university leader and scholar. Following graduation he has had an ever too typical experience. Paid internship with the Beloit Snappers, a Minnesota Twins affiliate.  A few months off between November and January. He had "a cup of coffee" with the Lake County Fielders, and then a frustrating 3 months culminating with taking a job that would provide some income and structure. Prayers were then answered..he was offered and accepted a job with the Myrtle Beach Pelicans, a Texas Rangers Class A team.  CELEBRATE PELICANS!!    He is leaving in 14 hours of this posting. I am so proud, so excited and relieved. But, I am also anxious.  A father is lucky to have a son who teaches him as much as Sean has taught me!  Thoughtful decisions at a young age, trust in others, patience and a stick-to-it determination.  I know he has learned some things from me, those are the things I admire and have learned from him.  Fortunately, I will be able to write similar posts as each of my children grow-up as they have all taught me something. For today, Sean, I love you and admire you more than ever. You are strong, brilliant and loved. I will miss you as a son and a friend but remember, no matter where you lay your head, I am your father and I will always be wherever you are, forever. And by the way,
WORK HARD, PLAY HARD son! I love you!

Oh Momma!

Happy Mothers' Day Eve!  It can be easy to look at Mothers' Day as one of those "Hallmark Holidays"...damn, forgot to get a card!  Anyway, I believe it is much more than that! Mothers are truly amazing people; soothers, sages, and storytellers!  Have a nightmare, a headache, or an awful breakup? "Mom, MOMMY!!!"   They have that unexplainable way of making you feel better, safer, and worthy by simply softening there voice and pushing your hair off your forehead!  Think about it, we have all experienced laying in out beds as young kids breathing normally again because mom was there.  Mom's often teach us how to moderate our emotions. The angrier we get, the sadder we are or the more we have fallen in love, mom teaches us to count to ten, smile even though we don't want to because somehow she knew we would need a chocolate chip cookie before the day ended. Mom also made sure that "that" girl was really worthy of her "favorite" son!
My mom has helped me fix a whole in the wall that I put in it in an angry rage during HS!  My mom has treated me with the respect of complete honesty even when I may have preferred a lie. My mom, just 3 weeks ago, took my hands in hers, made me look in her eyes and promise to get a colonoscopy!  See, my mom is a cancer survivor, defender of her 3 "cubs" and her 8 grandcubs!!!  My mom demonstrated her trust in me by not getting over-involved, letting me learn through natural consequences and expecting me to be able to rise to these expectations even when I didn't deserve that respect or trust!  I love my mother more today than I did yesterday and will love her even more tomorrow.  Tell your mother you love her tomorrow because it's mothers day but prove it everyday by honoring the lessons she taught you throughout your life. Ruth Clement, you are the best and I will love you forever!

To follow my blog go to markclement21-fatherthefatherson.blogspot.com.  You may be prompted to start a gmail account but it is 2 steps and done. Need to get to 20 followers to open up bigger audience pool. Thanks in advance, Love to get feedback, thoughts and shared stories!