Hey parents! I've got the perfect gift to give your children this holiday season! Better yet, it is truly inexpensive! I just hope they are still being made somewhere because it has been a long time since I have seen anyone, adult or child with one. The perfect gift is a hand held mirror! That's right, a good, old-fashioned hand held mirror. the kind my mom used to have in the vanity. It showed you in normal reflection held one way and magnified if you turned it around! What, you don't believe me and you think your children will mutiny in unison if they unwrap that during the holidays! Well, you are probably right...but here is why you should give it to them anyway, and probably why you need to ask for one on your holiday wish list as well!
You see, I was taught by my parents (though it took a lot longer for me to learn then they wanted it to!) that before I looked to blame someone else for a dispute, or falling out, I should hold up a mirror and see what part I may have played in the situation. It is my experience as an educator and everyday citizen that this act of holding up a mirror, taking responsibility, is at best optional and more often not happening at all. We need to teach our children, by modeling, that we should carry that mirror with us at all times. We should use it often and understand that the mirror never lies. Stephen Covey, in his very popular book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People lays it out beautifully in his 5th Habit - Seek First to Understand (then, to be understood). If we work at pulling out that mirror, maybe while we are using another lesson taught to our generation by our folks, counting to ten before speaking, we may just find that our disputes are more easily managed. When we begin a discussion by saying, "I am having trouble understanding your position, can you help me understand", a potential fire-up is avoided. When we are truly able to "agree to disagree" respectfully, relationships can continue to flourish rather than to fade away. This act of self-reflection is a powerful message to our colleagues, peers, and children to keep open, honest discussion rather than lying, or hiding from conversation. And, when we use the mirror and share it with our children we help them to develop, and sustain strong, fulfilling relationships as well.
I challenge you to take a moment before you retire for the night to look in the mirror and ask yourself if you, your spouse, your children are using that mirror or if you need to quickly redistribute to one, or all of the significant people in your life. Most important, don't give a mirror without owning your own!
PS: Don't wait until December to pull it out!
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