PASSION: Unwrap that gift for your children!

In my previous post I shared a wonderful gift parents should give their children, the hand mirror. If you didn't read it take a peek!  Here, I want to share a gift you should unwrap with your child!  The gift is the discovery of one's passion! You might ask, "how does a parent help a child unwrap this wonderful gift?"  The process may be different for each child; it may happen at different ages, may take more help for some and just a bit for others! I see there are a few "must actions" however to maximize the odds of achieving the discovery.  First, when our children are younger we must provide varied opportunities for them to experience. Perhaps those might be sports, music, acting or drawing!  There are obviously many other possibilities.  The key is for us to pay attention as they participate in these varied activities so that we can nurture those that bring them energy.  That is how passion is displayed or communicated by children at early ages ENERGY!  Of course we know the things our kids do that provide energy at one age might bore them to tears at the turn of the calendar!  OK, so we encourage new possibilities and pay attention again.  We can also help out children once they get to the middle school, early HS age by listening to the conversations they have with their peers and how friends and family talk about them.  "Susie is so good with young children!"  "John, thanks for making dinner it really was delicious!" Mrs. Smith, you should have seen Sally in class today. She organized a surprise party for the teacher that everyone got involved with!  Have you heard these kinds of conversations or statements and just let them come in and out of your thoughts?  Think about each example above with a more critical lens.  Could you begin a conversation with your son or daughter around each of those comments that may trigger a thought process in their mind about where their default strengths are?  I bet the list of possibilities is lengthy!  If a child gets into the late teen years and that passion has not been identified yet, don't panic. Instead, ask yourself the following question. "Does my child have a passion for anything?" (They do, believe me it just needs more help in the unwrapping!)  Then ask, "I wonder if they have ever thought about their life or direction in terms of passion?"  The last question to ask yourself will be the true start of helping this child unwrap the gift.  "Have I ever asked him/her the question about their passions?"  The answer I hear most when talking to parents is "NO!".  But often they continue by saying, "Even if I asked them they would not be able to answer!"  Maybe, but maybe not. Even if they can't give an answer on the spot it might be because they have never thought about it in these terms.  Asking the question will trigger a paradigm shift for this child and more than likely will be the last pull on the ribbon holding the wrapping on the present! WHen my son came home after his Freshman year of college, there was some frustration as he still hadn't figured out exactly what he wanted to do for his career.  I politely told him that I thought he was trying to paint with to narrow of a brush.  Cast the net a little wider. I explained that his summer homework to be done prior to sophomore year was not to have a career decision, but to be able to articulate what makes him passionate. It was worded this way to help, "What is going to get you up every morning at 6 a.m. and keep you going until late into the night, 5-7 days a week for the next 30-40 years?  The summer is now passed and he has begun classes again.  He worked a full time "summer job" and is now working nights at a local pizza diner/delivery shop. The boy loves pizza, making it and eating it. He loves the energy around the restaurant that he feels each time he goes to work. Last week he tells me, Dad, my homework for the summer is done...I know what my passion is.  He quickly clarified that he did not want to be a pizza delivery guy or order taker the rest of his life! His passion was found in the energy he got being in the fast moving restaurant environment! AMEN!  Do we know what he will do after graduation? No, we don't need to know that.  What he does have now is a direction and focus that will  make courses he truly doesn't desire to take palatable because there is a vision that takes him past the class, past the degree and into a very bright and exciting future.  It was awesome to see and hear his enthusiasm as he shared his discovery with me!  To whatever degree I helped him in opening the present I am thankful. Better than that is HE has opened a gift that can give him a lifetime of fulfillment and prosperity!

father,the Father, son: Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

father,the Father, son: Mirror, Mirror on the Wall: "Hey parents! I've got the perfect gift to give your children this holiday season! Better yet, it is truly inexpensive! I just hope they are..."

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

Hey parents! I've got the perfect gift to give your children this holiday season! Better yet, it is truly inexpensive!  I just hope they are still being made somewhere because it has been a long time since I have seen anyone, adult or child with one.  The perfect gift is a hand held mirror! That's right, a good, old-fashioned hand held mirror. the kind my mom used to have in the vanity. It showed you in normal reflection held one way and magnified if you turned it around! What, you don't believe me and you think your children will mutiny in unison if they unwrap that during the holidays! Well, you are probably right...but here is why you should give it to them anyway, and probably why you need to ask for one on your holiday wish list as well!
You see, I was taught by my parents (though it took a lot longer for me to learn then they wanted it to!) that before I looked to blame someone else for a dispute, or falling out, I should hold up a mirror and see what part I may have played in the situation. It is  my experience as an educator and everyday citizen that this act of holding up a mirror, taking responsibility, is at best optional and more often not happening at all.  We need to teach our children, by modeling, that we should carry that mirror with us at all times. We should use it often and understand that the mirror never lies.  Stephen Covey, in his very popular book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People lays it out beautifully in his 5th Habit - Seek First to Understand (then, to be understood).  If we work at pulling out that mirror, maybe while we are using another lesson taught to our generation by our folks, counting to ten before speaking, we may just find that our disputes are more easily managed. When we begin a discussion by saying, "I am having trouble understanding your position, can you help me understand", a potential fire-up is avoided.  When we are truly able to "agree to disagree" respectfully, relationships can continue to flourish rather than to fade away. This act of self-reflection is a powerful message to our colleagues, peers, and children to keep open, honest discussion rather than lying, or hiding from conversation. And, when we use the mirror and share it with our children we help them to develop, and sustain strong, fulfilling relationships as well.
I challenge you to take a moment before you retire for the night to look in the mirror and ask yourself if you, your spouse, your children are using that mirror or if you need to quickly redistribute to one, or all of the significant people in your life. Most important, don't give a mirror without owning your own!
PS: Don't wait until December to pull it out!