They are listening! Keep the balance!

Let's be honest if you are a parent, you have thought at least once that your child does not hear you at all. I have and truth be told sometimes they are just not listening. But, just about the time you think you know for sure when they are listening and when they are not the prove you wrong. I believe it is less important that we, as fathers, know for sure when they hear us and when they don't, than understanding that we should assume they are all the time for safety sake. Usually this conversation leads to dialogue about the episodes of cussing or ranting that we thin goes unheard only to hear from mom, "guess what your son said to the baby sitter today!?!?!" My worst nightmare. But other times we find that something we say that seems innocuous is internalized by our children in the most positive way. From the day my children go to school I begin telling them on a daily basis, "Work hard, play hard". I believe strongly that it is important to do both. With my children this utterance follows a definitive value statement that goes something like this: I expect you to be a good person first, a good student/citizen second and a good athlete/musician/cook...third! I wanted them to really HEAR that message from their father. I added work hard, play hard as a throw in to help remember the discussion in an easy manner. Here is what happened. As my oldest son began applying for college he faced the onerous task of writing college application essays. This is something I never had to do. I have never been over involved in my children's "business". But, I was curious about these essays. I asked Sean if I could see what he wrote and he obliged. The essay title...."Work Hard, Play Hard" Goose bumps, humility, pride, disbelief..all words that describe my immediate reaction. I read the essay and quickly discovered that this phrase I "threw in" seemed to make an impact. This sentence was what he decided was the essence of his moving from HS student to college student. I was humbled by his words! However, the most powerful sense I had was that my child was paying attention, attention at a level I never expected. Lesson, we have a huge responsibility to be thoughtful in the words we share with our children. We need to default, "they are listening" to hold us to the utmost accountability for the words we choose. They won't hear it all but we never really know when they are completely dialed in. Lesson, we need to talk to our children. We must not assume they know are values, we must share them. Don't assume they don't care, they care in away that is almost impossible for them to communicate! Lastly, speak lovingly with the expectation that it is the most important message we can deliver!